First off, excuse me for a lengthy post. Writing long posts is just not me, but well today is an exception…Today I’m just in a thinking mode…(Maybe because I’m not in the best of my mood!)..yes I’m feeling a wee bit overwhelmed (actually a lot, I cannot lie!) , &  I feel it is completely “ok” to feel so once in a while.

And no, this isn’t any post-partum depression! It is one of those days when I feel I need my mother’s lap to sleep on, whilst she very gently caresses my forehead..it is one of those days when I feel I need to go back to my own bedroom in my parent’s home and spend hours doing “nothingness”…it is one of those days when I feel I should be having a hot cuppa coffee with my BFF and not worry about the maids, the grocery, the laundry, the dirty diapers and pending office projects…it is one of those days when I feel I should dig out my ‘LBD’ and go clubbing some place. And then the reality strikes…TING! I look around, it is 11 pm on a gloomy Wednesday night… and I see a messy sink that needs to be arranged..dining table that needs to be cleared, feeding vessels that need to be sterilized..oh wait, I also need to clean up my baby’s toy mess…and fill water jugs, and finish those office emails..My mother-in-law is waiting for me to move my butt, while I am trying to freeze in my dream world…I look around and see my husband engrossed in his I Pad.. I again look around and see the mess that I have to clear.. It is not that my hubby or MIL will not help me if I ask them to…but today I’m yearning for something more than just a “helping hand”…

I want to call my mother right now and tell her “I love u!”..i love you mum for the fact that you have always treated me like a princess and spoiled pampered me without expecting anything in return…I want someone to do that to me right now..I try very hard to find my “mum” in my “mother-in-law”….I want to suggest her that why don’t you clear everything wholeheartedly and I do some facebooking… And thank goodness, I stop myself from conversing that to her…and frankly its not that she won’t do it, and I would be lying if I say that my MIL has never done that before..I mean so many times she takes charge of clearing the house mess, while I tend to my baby or finish office work..but I feel “awkward” to let her work, whilst I am resting or nursing or surfing…but I never felt that with my mother…I used to shamelessly watch TV or talk on phone whilst she used to very lovingly clear the mess in a jiffy without giving me the feeling that ,’Oh look I’ve to do everything and you are shamelessly lounging here…!’
I feel like going back to my spinster days…I wanna go to my mum’s place right now! I wanna be pampered again..! Oh god, why did I grow up..! Why did i get married?! Why! Why! I look at my husband who is still drowned in his I Pad..I feel like telling him that take me to my mum’s place right this second…agreed he’s the best husband in the world, and I love him to bits…but well, right now I need lotsa unconditional love, undivided attention and hard core pampering…in short, I need an urgent dose of my singleton days at my parent’s home…

And suddenly I hear my baby cry.. Womp! My dreamland is crashed…I rush in our bedroom to see him wailing in his crib..he sees me and spreads his arms..I immediately pick him up and he stops crying at that instant..he holds me super tight, as if trying to tell me , ‘Ma..thank you for picking me up…I just need you, now put me back to sleep, will ya?!’…I nurse him while caressing his hair, touching his soft skin, holding his tiny hands…he gives me a million dollar satisfied smile after a super quick nursing session and dozes off..I put him on our bed as he refuses to get back in his crib, and I try to get up to go to kitchen (remember the mess is still there!) and he tries to hold onto me tight and gets all clingy…i stay there and wrap my arms around his tiny little snuggly body…he goes back to sleep with a feeling that ,’yep, i have my mum besides me, i need nothing, i am safe…! i can sleep tight now!’…i watch him sleep (it is one of my all time favorite activity :))..only to realize he is sleeping in my arms just the way I used to (and I still do) in my mother’s arms..he is getting that same reassurance, security and safe feeling that i get from my mum…and then suddenly it all makes sense… Just the way I yearn for my mum, this little guy yearns for me..his “mother”…

He needs me more than anything in this world..he is right now so very helpless and so very dependent on me…what will he do without me?! He is so small..so vulnerable…I have created this adorable baby and he is my world…just the way I’m my mum’s world! I can trade-off anything to keep this sonny boy happy and satisfied…my life revolves around him…suddenly the thoughts of having coffee, wearing LBD or sitting idle in my room feel insignificant and not-so-necessary…Nothing, and I mean nothing comes close to this boy…those spinster days can take a flight.. I’m happy to be married, and am up to clear the endless mess and try and be a good wife , mother and daughter-in-law, if not perfect…you know why..because this little chap breathes on me..but in reality i need him far more than he needs me…he is my little magician..he infuses me with so much patience and energy that I can do any amount of work without battling an eyelid..he makes me feel like a “super mom”..(though i am far from being one!) and he makes all my sacrifices worth it!

So guys…bring it on – I’m all set to clear the mess, reply to the office emails, and not get pampered in return…because for a change it is my turn to pamper someone and not be pampered.. Someone needs me the same way I need my mother…and that someone is far more helpless than me!

I go back to the kitchen and happily clear the mess. Suddenly i am not cribbing and wanting ‘my freedom’…suddenly i am feeling far more energetic and responsible …. Bye bye carefree days….Hello Motherhood!