Last evening my 14-month old and I went b’day shopping for his BFF. We were busy picking the coolest tees and shirts (well, my kiddo was far more interested in the hangers than the clothes!)…when suddenly I saw two moms with their girls, maybe 9-10 years of age…I looked at the prettily dressed young girls…they suddenly looked so independent and grown up in front of my lil toddler. At one point one of the mom tried to hug and kiss her daughter, and she just shooed her mom away. Well, it kinda pricked me. Not that I doubted the love between them. But I thought, maybe…maybe, few years down the line that might be me and my son!
I looked back at my kiddo who was clinging and hugging onto me as if his whole world starts and ends with me! I hugged him super tight and gave him countless kisses… he giggled and clapped!! I felt so awesome that along with the bday gifts I ended up picking few (errr…more than few!) clothes for Ritwik too (totally unnecessary given the fact that his wardrobe is overflowing!). But as you know, the flurry of emotion makes us do all these crazy, silly things!!
I held my baby’s tiny fingers, looked at his twinkling eyes and secretly wished that this awesome baby-phase should never ever end! Awesome days like this make me feel that I need to treasure these precious moments with a sense of gratitude. And this makes me (honestly) feel that it is absolutely ok to keep hugging them every time they wake up at night, because very soon they might wanna have their own bed in their own room with a DND sign-board! It is perfectly ok to let them mess the house and explore, because very soon they will be so drowned in their studies and books that they won’t even have time to look around! It is also completely ok to let them be all clingy, because very soon they might demand their own ‘space’.
Super overwhelmed with these gooey motherly thoughts, we marched towards the cash counter…(remember I still had to pay for the heaps of clothes I purchased!). My loving thoughts come crashing down as my lil boy suddenly decided to throw a tantrum. He wanted to grab the swipe card machine (and most probably whisk it on the floor). The sales guy somehow calmed him down by showing some crabby toy…next, he was in no mood to give back that toy to the shopkeeper. So I ended up distracting him with the gift wrapping paper..(Which he literally tore apart)…we somehow managed to reach home…aghast…my boy all teary eyed, and my hair all messed up as if I have just been thrown out of some wrestling ring!
And these I call as the famous “bad” days (moments) of parenting where I question my own sanity…and oh wait these are usually followed by “worse days (moments)” where my overly cute child suddenly decides to go on a hunger strike or throws a major tantrum to eat a remote or a spoon (or just about anything non edible) instead of digging into the healthy porridge. Then there are days when dressing him up or even changing a diaper makes me burn like 500 calories in one shot! I feel so hot and sweaty even on the cool breezy days! These are the days where I question if I’m even ready to be a wife, let alone a mother… It makes me wanna go and hide somewhere. It makes me wanna just take a step back….in short it makes me go CRAZY. And then every time, I mean just about every time I am on the verge of breaking down and giving up…something happens…something extremely minuscule, but truly magical…and these, my friend, I call – the Super-awesome days (moments) of motherhood – these are the days when I realize there is no better job than being a mommy.
As I gather my thoughts, I look at my not-so-happy child (who was stopped from throwing the swipe card machine and tearing the gift wrapper). I hug him tightly and sing to him couple of his fave songs, and he suddenly lights up! It is just amazing how these kids know the virtue of ‘forget and forgive’ so well! We do some coloring activity together, and he suddenly jumps onto me, puts his head on my shoulder as if trying to tell how much he loves me…and for me that’s a super-awesome moment!
My baby is my world. He makes me happy, he also makes me mad. But most importantly he keeps me sane! I look at him – there he is – my happy cheerful toddler. Just a few months ago he was my tiny lil infant, all swaddled and helpless – look at him now…he can crawl, cruise and even eat by himself! I can’t wait for him to grow up into a handsome little boy!
But for now I am going to cherish his every move, his every giggle, his every milestone…because I know they aint coming back…motherhood is a one way road…there is no U-Turn! This is my chance to live-up my kiddo’s childhood…this is my chance to shower him with oodles of unconditional love…this is my chance to be his best friend…to hold his hand and tread on known and unknown paths together…because in the blink of an eye he will be all grown-up and would want me to let go…and let him walk his own path…his own way…in his own unique style…but until then I am going to hold him…i am gonna hold him tight on the super awesome days, tighter on the worse days…
The days seem so long…nights even longer…but the months flow by so quickly…if only there was a pause button…oh my little baby, why you grow up so quick?!