Lets say YES to kindness!
While typing this post for my closed FB group, I thought that more people (outside my small group) should also get access to this. And what better way than to write it as an article on my blog. So here goes 🙂
Since past several weeks, I have been receiving emails from mothers about how they have been shamed/judged on various online as well as offline platforms. And judged for what? For being mothers and making simple choices for their own children – choices like what the child should eat, what the child should play with, how the child should play with etc.
And sadly you know who are judging them? Fellow mothers. In day and age where we are talking about women equality and women empowerment, I feel it is a bit harsh that more than often it is a woman who always judges another. It is not fair. It is not necessary. And hence this post. From me (a woman) to you (another woman).
If you are being / or had been shamed/bullied for the parenting choices you make/made – I am sorry, my friend. With all my heart I am sorry that you were judged based on probably that “one” question you asked on a parenting forum or that one incidence you shared. I am sorry that you were held in a tight spot for something so frugal.
I feel as mothers we all are learning – each day and every minute. No one is perfect. Not you. Not me. And certainly not the mother who shamed you. So let us reserve some grace, courtesy, and kindness. We need it. In fact, we need a lot of it.
We are raising the next generation. Like it or not, but our little children look up to us. And are imitating us at every step. And we certainly do not want them to become bullies. The world needs less of shaming and more of kindness. Less of bullying and more of peace.
Yes. You may be the mother who only gives your child home-cooked organic meals. That is amazing.
You may be the mother who is just so tired right now that instead of letting your child sleep hungry, you order-in a pizza. And that is amazing too!
You may be doing slow, organic, child-led parenting. That is lovely.
Or you may be someone who is so busy working and managing your home that you have forgotten what it feels like to slow down and listen to your child. But you know what, Momma? That is completely ok too.
You may be making amazing DIYs and activities for your child. Or you may be a complete minimalist who has not purchased any toy yet for your child. Either way, you are awesome!
You may be reading aloud 10 books a day to your child. That is great.
Or you may be so tired after working hard the whole day that reading a book is the last thing on your mind. And you know what, that is totally fine too!
You may be a purist or an idealist when raising your child. I am so happy that works for you.
Or you may be super flexible, just hanging in there one day at a time. Well, I have a news for you! That is completely fine too.
At no given point can we be perfect. We are always a mix of success and failure. And that makes us human. And in a really amazing way that makes us what we are. Raw. Beautiful inside out. And adaptable. And I feel our children need us like that.
So let’s take this moment to stop shaming, judging or victimizing a fellow mother. Let us also stop joining the bandwagon when a healthy discussion turns into an ugly blame game, and instead of adding fuel to the fire let us try to be the diffusers. The problem solvers. Or even better let us not join in. Rather advise them to take it offline.
And I am not even telling that we need to be sugar-coated. You may really want to help someone. You may be a pro and you really care. I get that. Let me share a little example. When I was a practicing nutritionist and fitness trainer I had to counsel a lot of women online and offline. I needed to give them advice. I needed them to stay on track. Now imagine if I had body-shamed each one of them. Do you think it would have helped them to achieve their fitness goals? I don’t think so.
It is amazing to feel for something very deeply. It is amazing that we want to help each other. But we can surely do it from a place of kindness. From a place of grace and courtesy.
I hope you don’t ‘judge’ me on this. I hope as mothers, we stop saying that every time we want to say something.