Disclaimer: I’m right now in a very emotionally fragile state & my heart is melting with tooooo much love for my lil boy who is almost 2 years old :)
Time just flies! It feels like just yesterday when we got our swaddled little bundle of joy home…His tender soft skin and big brown eyes got me so choked and overwhelmed every time I carried him, nursed him, bathed him…and to be honest I feel the same surge of emotions even now! To the world he might be a 2 year old little boy, but to me he is still a baby. He always will be.
People around are warning me about the “terrible two” phase.. and I really wonder if it is over-hyped! Yes my son is a regular toddler.. Yes he has meltdowns.. He sometimes cries for silliest of things and all of that! And I also know that I need to stop him when his “safety” is at stake. Totally agree on that. And yes as parents we need to discipline our children and teach them what’s right and what’s wrong! Totally agree. All that is given!
But what I am not comfortable is to keep judging my son…to tame his every action which we think is wrong…do we really need to scrutinize our kids so much? Once our infants grow into toddlers we very casually start using phrases like ‘don’t be such a stubborn boy’, ‘you are such a cranky toddler’ …Do we really need to infuse so much negativity into their clean, innocent minds?
My son, like all other kids is a brilliant little chap… He is a boy full of energy, enthusiasm and innocence! Just because we as caretakers fall short of understanding their cues and matching to their energy levels, does not mean that we have the “right” to dismiss them, their needs and their behavior and tag this phase as the “terrible twos”… Our kids do not deserve to be told that they are terrible. They deserve to be told that they are amazing! They deserve to be told that they will be listened and loved in every phase of their life, unconditionally!
Their reaction to a situation is always reasonable. My son does get cranky when his basic needs are not met (read: too hungry, sleepy or tired) or if I do not provide him a creative outlet to engage his never ending energy levels!
I am overflowing in my thoughts and I suddenly notice my son who is quietly playing with his toy cars….. I admire him…. I let him enjoy on his own… I know he needs his time, his space, and I totally respect that! I can’t believe he is the same boy who a few minutes ago was fuming and howling because we stopped him from touching the switchboard. He is the same boy who refused to eat the food that I made with so much love.
Daddy has left for office leaving me with my little son who I love beyond words…he is my life.. I am, because he is. Gosh! I’m being such a “mom”… I pick up my little boy who is ready for his afternoon nap.. As I nurse him to sleep, he reminds me of his “newborn days”… My almost 2 year old needs me the same way he needed me when he was 2 months old… Nothing has changed between us… I caress his soft curly hair, and kiss his forehead as I tug him to bed .
I whisper in his ears ” I love u my son, god bless you..” I go to my work station and open my laptop and type “how to deal with toddler tantrums”…there are some 1000 search results that appear. I’m quite overwhelmed! Not long ago, in fact, even I had written a post on dealing with toddler tantrums on this blog… Bummer!! I read few of the top posts, and yep they all make sense – acknowledge the child’s need, distract him, say a stern NO and the works… I shut down my laptop feeling rather unsatisfied (probably for the first time) with the Google search! There has to be something more than this, no?
I go to my room and look into the mirror.. I notice a grey strand of my hair (I probably have got that in the past one year). I also notice few lines below my eyes (thank you sleepless nights)…I look closely .. I’m no more that carefree college girl who used to pretty much look “picture perfect ” most of the times! I clip up my hair in a messy bun and smile to myself… Who is this person in the mirror? How come suddenly she has got so much patience & LOVE inside her? Well, she is a newer (and a much better me!) …She’s a mother.. And who made me so beautiful from within?? My son, hands down! I would have never ever been so gentle, so forgiving yet so determined had it not been for my son! He has created me! I owe it to him. I have to stand up for him and hold onto him through his toddlerhood phase (and beyond)… You know why? Because I love him. I love him like I have never loved anyone before… Yes, it all boils down to love! Love is the savior. Your best bet to deal with a toddler tantrum is through love!. Our bubs need more love.. If they are misbehaving and throwing a rage.. It is time we pass on more love to them..it is about time we stop expecting, and start accepting them.. Let’s not be so tough on them! My boy still can’t frame a sentence.. Do you think it is fair to be tough on a toddler who still can’t voice himself completely? And naturally his way of expressing his boredom or tiredness is through actions (read toddler tantrums).
I know as parents it’s hard.. It’s very hard on us.. This whole parenting stuff is huge.. It’s tiring.. It’s overwhelming. And a big hug to all moms reading this post (pls pass back some to me, I need them all the time!)
We try to stop them, we say the big NO without even thinking if we really need to use it that often… we give them time outs, we let them cry it out… Or worse we ignore them. I mean think of it, how will you feel if your colleague ignores you for an entire hour for some silly error you do at work? Don’t we feel bad if we are trying to tell something to our folks, and they are busily engrossed in their phones? Imagine if one day you don’t feel like eating your lunch & instead start fiddling with the food and someone gives you a time out for that? Huh?
Don’t we lose our temper sometimes? I do! And that too for some really lame reason! And we very conveniently blame it on our hormones, work stress or something like that! But if a toddler throws a tantrum, OMG, we instantly feel that he is just not allowed to be unreasonable.. We feel we need to discipline him before it’s too late..we instantly analyze the whole situation and do a SWOT analysis of the poor child! We always want our children to “behave”… If only there were better searches on Google about adult tantrums!
I honestly feel that we need to “love” our toddlers as if they are still infants, and we need to respect them as “individuals” as if they are adults! We have sooooo much to learn from our kids… We need to let them lead us, instead of us leading them… Every kid is god-sent.. I truly believe that.. Every kid is a blessing and we need to appreciate that fact! We all are lovely parents, no doubt.. But let’s ask ourselves that can we become gentle parents by forgiving more easily and loving more willingly? Are we ready to accept our fault as adults and try not to pass on the negativity to our children?
If you think that this all sounds gibberish, please revisit this page once your baby is sleeping, and you are in a better mood as a parent ;)
If you are with me, I thank you for joining hands with me to be a better person and a gentle parent. I’m going to pass on lots of positive vibes and love so that we parents get the energy to love our kids more and nudge them less. For all the beautiful children around the world deserve loads of LOVE, attention and appreciation. Love will never spoil them. Lack of love will.